My emotional end to breastfeeding
Well peeps, the day is finally here. The day I’ve been been waiting for, yet prolonging at the same time. After 7 years of breastfeeding all three of my beautiful boys, I have officially closed this chapter of my life.
But with the closing of this chapter comes a plethora of emotions. Emotions I didn’t expect to feel nor did I prepare myself for. I felt incredible sadness, fulfillment, relief, excitement, confusion, guilt, ambivalence and peace. I guess throughout nursing the older two I always knew I was going to do it again but this time, I know that this is probably it.
Breastfeeding is such an amazing thing. I understand that not everyone may feel this way + each person's experience will vary but I’m speaking from my personal experience + expressing my own feelings towards this topic.
As each of my boys were born, the act of breastfeeding became more and more fascinating. The way my body naturally melts my body fat in order to produce milk. The fact that I was able to nourish my babies with this magical superfood + provide everything they needed for 2-3 years of their lives. The benefits we both reaped from breastfeeding that extended way beyond basic nutritional needs. The ways in which it helped heal my body from the inside out. The physical and emotional connection that it created between between me + my boys. It was there, in that connection where my emotions got the best of me. As mentioned above, there were so many bittersweet emotions during our transition. Here’s what I thought to myself:
“ I’m so done”
“ I could nurse for another year”
“ I can’t believe this is the last baby I will ever nurse”
“ I’m sad that I will never be connected with my baby in that way again”
“ It hurts that he’s transitioning so well”
“ Did I wean too early?”
“ I gave my boys an incredible gift + I feel fulfilled”
“ I’m grateful I’ve had a positive experience nursing + weaning”
"Maybe I'll keep pumping to donate milk"
" I hate pumping"
“ I want to feel normal again”
“ I need my body back”
“ Was breastfeeding maintaining my bodyweight?”
“ Will my body ever come back?”
"Yay to wearing a normal bra again!"
“ I have more freedom now! Woohoo!”
“ I miss having my baby with me at all times”
“ I’m not a nursing mom anymore”
“ Now they’ll love their Dad more” - not likely lol
Isn’t it funny how our emotions can make our minds wander? I mean looking at this list now makes me chuckle a bit but these are all real emotions I've had. Am I the only one who's had these thoughts? Please say no.
Although closing this chapter of my life came with ride on an emotional rollercoaster, I can say that I feel so fulfilled knowing that I had this connection with my boys + now we’ll just have to find other ways to stay close. Even though we won’t be connected in this way, I know that that bond will not be forgotten. They’ll have to endure all my hugs + kisses for the rest of their lives. Afterall, they are + will always be, Mama’s boys.